Jaded Times

In the latest in “is this Russia in the 90s?” news, Seattle-based Washington Mutual has been seized by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp (FDIC).  WAMU, the largest thrift bank in the country, was purchased by JPMorgan Chase shortly after the anouncement, which is being hailed as the “largest bank failure in US History”:

The deal will cost JPMorgan Chase $1.9 billion, and the bank said in a statement it planned to write down WaMu’s loan portfolio by approximately $31 billion. JPMorgan Chase, which acquired Bear Stearns Cos. last March, also said it would sell $8 billion in common stock to raise its capital position.

Hooray for failures!  They’re not just for pop stars and trailer trash anymore!  As a result, the cost to the DIF will allegedly be $0, which means we’re still prepared for the myriad bank failures yet to come, a relief to all overpaid rich white men (aka “patriots”).  This rejoicing was short-lived;  meanwhile Congress has failed to agree on a plan, and I’d bet dollars to donuts (mmm, donuts) that the president is drinking again.

On a more personal note, I bank at WAMU.  I really hope my new milking job pays in cash.

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In breaking news, John McCain has announced today that he is suspending his campaign to focus on the economy.  Could this actually be because of the announcement linking his chief aide to Freddie Mac on the SAME day that the FBI announced they will be investigating the mortgage broker? Or maybe it’s to give McCain a chance to actually learn about the economy?

Or perhaps he is using the crisis as a chance to cast off an albatross?

EDITED TO ADD:

This is, I shit you not, the two current leading stories on FOX News:

Sort of telling, really.

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In news only a 6 year old (or perhaps Dana Perino) could be shocked by, the FBI has begun investigating potential fraud in the financial market, focusing on Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Lehman, and AIG.  If only they’d thought of that a year or so ago, huh?  Might have been nice to not, oh, have CEOs receive million dollar salaries to mismanage so severely, or even collect up to 9 figure severance packages during the crisis. To add insult to injury, it turns out that rich white men aren’t willing to chip in and help the nation.  Who knew?

Meanwhile presidential hopeful John McCain has been linked to the crisis through one of his main aides, whose firm was apparently paid by Freddie Mac.  This connection comes a mere week after McCain displayed his bold faith in the economy as it, well, crumbling around him, which in turn came only weeks after joking that people making under $5 million a year aren’t rich and admitting to not knowing how many houses he owns, and only eight months after he claimed that we weren’t even headed into a recession (one which we had already been in for several years). Of course, none of this should be taken to heart; after all, who better to deal with out current financial crisis than one of the original Keating Five?

Finally, our “do-nothing-think-nothing” president is set to address the nation again.  Of course, there’s also a new episode of Bones tonight.  Chances are you’ll get more out of that.

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So Peta is apparently urging Ben & Jerry’s to switch to human breastmilk.  I realize this may very well be one of those things that in 50 years or so is so common as to not even raise an eyebrow, but reading that letter and placing it in current social context, it really doesn’t do a whole lot for PETA’s credibility…

In other news I just got a job at a milking facility outside Le Mons.  Sweet!

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I notice that today the fine folks over at CNN are making a big deal out of the fact that Wasilla, AK, the town in which Sarah Palin (GOP VP candidate and amateur Tina Fey impersonator) was mayor, charged rape victims for their examination kits up until 2000 (which includes four years of her 1996-2002 tenure).  I would cover this further, but Jon Stewart already did.  Like a week ago.  Trumped by a comedy show?  That’s got to hurt, CNN…

The one comment I will make is that her defenders are saying that she didn’t know about the practice.  If this is true, how is it even remotely any better?  It was a town of 7000 people, and she wasn’t aware of a major point of contention; this makes her qualified for one of the highest offices in the world how, exactly?  I know standards have fallen off a bit as of late, but really?

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Yes!  Right now! This second! Today!

Now is the time to act, right?  Indeed.  Certainly not on Tuesday, when Lehman Brothers declared bankruptcy and Merrill Lynch was bought out by Bank of America, nor a week and a half ago, when the government committed a potential $5 trillion of taxpayer money to bailing out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac; or how about two months before that, when Paulson said that wouldn’t happen (but committed billions in aide), or how about a week before that when IndyMac bank went under, forcing a federal reserve takeover, or in 2006 when Bush proposed cutting funding to the small business administration by 64%, or how about even as far back as 2001, when Bush’s buddies committed felonies effecting 22,000 people’s livelihoods?  No, those were not times to act–NOW is the time to act!  We must act NOW!  With “unprecedented action“!*

For his part, Bush says he is concerned, which is apparently the “willingness to lead” we’ve been hearing so much about.  Seriously, click that link.  Bush does indeed look concerned (that someone might ask him to explain any part of what is going on).

In other utter failure news, the Bush administration has now not only broken the nation’s promises to North Korea, but its own.  More than 7 years after breaking agreements and derailing peace talks set up by Madeline Albright in the late 90s, the Bush administration has now failed to live up to their own agreement with North Korea.  You know, if it wasn’t for the fact that he, well, holds the highest office in the nation, you’d almost feel sorry for the guy.

(and jokes aside, here’s a great editorial on culpability)

*–technically true, due to previous lack of response

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Forbes recently released an article covering the top ten most stressful cities in the country and in a revolutionary new approach to this “journalism stuff”, decided to base their facts solely on the apparent opinions of the writer.  Following in the footsteps of such visionaries as Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity (and his partner Puffy Combs), Rush Limbaugh, Randi Rhodes, and Ed Schultz, Author Desmond has created the following, interesting “facts”:

• San Francisco has a population of 7.2 million (which is up substantially from 2006′s count of 744,041)
• Detroit has the highest unemployment rate in the country (according to this report, it is ranked 13th)
• Los Angeles is the most polluted city in the country (it’s actually number 2, it was replaced in May by Pittsburgh)
• Chicago is the second most densely populated US city (according to this report of global population densities, it ranks 126th globally, with 9 US cities ranked well above it)
• New York is the most densely populated US city (same report, it ranks 4th in the US)

This covers the “facts” of the top five; for 6 and beyond they actually do use terms like “in our ranking” (italics added), which is at least accurate, if not relatively useless information.

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Hello America!  I’m back because shit just got real.  Again.

This time it’s the economic woes of these United States.  After the closure of the regional Indy Mac Bank (reopened under the Federal Reserve to the tune of 10% of the DIF), the bail outs of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac who between them hold over 50% of the mortgages in the nation (trillions promised if needed), the continually rising unemployment rate, the announcement that median family income has actually dropped by more than 1% in 2000-2006 despite reports that the economy expanded 18% in that time, to the $2 billion buyout of almost 5% of CitiBank by a Saudi prince (making him the largest single stockholder) and now the bankruptcy of Lehmans and sale of investment firm Merrill Lynch to Bank of America, the American economy is truly booming.  Just, you know, not in that good way.

Now, with the Dow falling 4% in one day and AIG receiving an 85 billion dollar bailout we, as Americans, look to our leaders for support:*

White House spokeswoman Dana Perino defended the $85bn (£48bn) emergency loan for AIG.

“While no-one would have liked to have ended up in this situation, you have a government that is willing to lead,” she said.

Leadership!  Yes, that is exactly what we need!  Surely our president will have the right words to calm us and make us feel safe and secure, a plan to stem the tide of economic disaster and renew faith in our markets, both abroad and at home:

President George W Bush has not answered questions on the economic situation and had cancelled a statement he was set to make on Tuesday.

When asked by a reporter in the Oval Office on Wednesday to comment, Mr Bush said he had not heard the question and joked: “I’m old.”

YES!  He’s…old?  Maybe he’s saying this is old news, I’ve made it this far, you will too?  Or perhaps he is implying that old men aren’t suited to hold the office?  Whatever the reason, truly shocking from the man who, just after the bailout of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, literally lept into action and proposed a bill that would classify birth control as a form of abortion. I know I felt more secure on that day, just as I feel more secure in my government’s, um, age today.

Honestly I expect more from the man who stared into the face of terrorism and didn’t blink, who acknowledged and rewarded hard work during crises, who was dilligent in preventing possible, nay, known threats to this nation from day 1…

[source 1, 2]

*–sorry, I had trouble typing that without laughing hysterically, then curling up into a little ball and hoping I can learn to love moldy bread.

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