Politics


If I asked you what “conservative” meant, in the political context, what would your answer be? What about if I asked you to define “political liberal?” It’s certainly not easy to come up with a succinct and definitive answer to these questions, and I doubt it ever has been. However, I believe that our basic criteria for evaluating these labels have changed dramatically over the past thirty to forty years, to a disturbing and disheartening degree. 

I was raised in a single-parent home, with my mother working the night shift as a nurse for infants in intensive care. Between her going to work around six o’clock in the evening, and getting her much-needed sleep during the day, I needed additional guidance that my mom was regretfully unable to provide. Luckily, we lived close to her sister and parents, and other family members stepped in and helped to raise me. One of these people was my grandpa, who for a long time was my only male role model and someone I looked up to immensely. My grandpa is a massive history buff, I attribute my intense patriotism to our chats when I was just a little kid. I would spend every weekend at his house watching historical documentaries and asking him about the people on TV talking in front of podiums. But most of all, I reveled as he spun me stories of our founding fathers: Washington crossing the Delaware, Sam Adams and the Boston Tea Party, and the signing of the Declaration of Independence. My grandpa was a revolutionary war re-enactor and after about a year of me begging to join him (even though I was far too young), he got me some authentic dress and took me along to join the First Virginia, probably to his extreme embarrassment. 

As I got older and more mature, we continued our conversation about America and the principles that this country was founded on. As I became more aware of politics and politicians, I noted what his personal views were on the role of government and his reactions to the policies of Congress and the President. I found myself agreeing with him more often than not, although he always encouraged me to make up my own mind. And I did. I remember the first time I asked him what people meant by “conservative,” and “liberal.” He told me that political conservatives held the view that the government should be restrained in its action, and liberals believed that our leaders should have more freedom to intervene and should enjoy less restraints on government action. I then asked him which he believed in. He smiled and said “the right one.”

I grew up believing in a small central government and the freedom for each state to determine its own laws based on the needs and beliefs of its constituency. I also believe in limited federal spending, a more involved local system of government, deeply cautious foreign policy, and using military force as an absolute last resort. Based on these beliefs and my grandfather’s stories and descriptions about the GOP of the old days, I believed myself to be a republican, a federalist, and a true conservative in the definitive sense of the word. But as I got older and became an adult, I developed additional beliefs about social issues, like what the government should and should not pay for, and what people should and shouldn’t be allowed to do. At the same time, I noticed that the Republican party, as I understood it, was appearing more out of sync with my pre-existing understanding of its principles. 

I truly started paying attention to politics during George Herbert Walker Bush’s term as president. Shit, I remember my mom waking me up early one day to tell me that America was in a war, and that I should take a moment to think about all the people that might be hurt or killed in the coming weeks. “Iraq invaded Kuwait,” she said, “and we have to go help them, because no one else will.” The first thing I did was look for Iraq and Kuwait on the globe in my room. The second thing I did was ask if I could stay home from school and watch the news, which to my surprise, she allowed. This was the first American war of my lifetime, and from that day I kept a close eye on what was going on in Washington. I wanted to know why and how the lives of my countrymen were being gambled, I guess.

Over the next decade, I noticed that people were talking less and less about what the government’s role should be and more about what private citizens should and shouldn’t be allowed. I was pretty confused by this – it was almost as if everyone had presupposed that the federal government is allowed to tell you what you can and cannot do. Instead of the conversation being about whether the federal government should be able to regulate the social minutiae of America, it was now all about what those regulations should say. And I have to admit that I got caught up in it as well. I took a look at myself and my personal beliefs about things that everyone was talking about. I went right down the list: Abortion – I believe that a baby isn’t a baby until it can survive apart from the mother’s body. Up until then, it’s a part of the mother’s body and subject to her choice, including the choice to abort. Gun control – I believe that the Second Amendment confers the right to maintain militias and keep and bear arms, but not to stockpile AK-47s and devices designed to kill and maim human beings. Immigration – I believe that closing our borders would betray our national heritage and the spirit of a nation founded by immigrants. And on down the list. I was shocked. Was I a liberal? According to the media, I was. According to some others, I was also a “pinko,” a “socialist,” a “communist,” and a “traitor.” 

The fact is that the post-Nixon GOP leadership has taken the questions about the federal government’s powers and purpose completely off the table. In the past few decades, the federal government has expanded exponentially, regulates in more areas and with more authority than ever, and our foreign military sojourns and spending (both foreign and domestic) are sky-high. Conservatism or Liberalism now has absolutely nothing to do with these questions. Instead, the application of these labels are now determined by a wholly different criteria. Essentially, we are supposed to believe that one is a liberal or a conservative based on opinions about four or five social issues: gay rights, gun control, the separation of church and state, immigration, and the big one, abortion. How did we get to this point? Why are we obsessed with these issues that, in the grand scheme of things, don’t really matter all that much? The divisiveness of these issues and the petty squabbling that they inspire have done much damage to our national consciousness. Today, the American electorate is more distracted by these small issues than ever before, and to our detriment. Our shortsightedness is crippling our ability to understand and make decisions about the things of far greater importance: war, death, our futures, our children’s futures, and preserving the foundations of our great Union. 

I am deeply saddened by what has become of the political conversation in the United States. I lodge much of the blame on the contemporary Republican party, which has betrayed its former principles and become a monstrosity in patriot’s clothing. As one who has always identified with true conservatives and the Grand Old Party of emancipators and heroes, I feel like myself and my country have been left behind. 

My grandpa and I don’t talk as much as I would like these days, and when we do, the conversation is about my grandmother’s health or what’s going on around my old hometown. But the other day I asked him about what he thought about the current state of things and the upcoming election. A lifelong Republican, he stood by the party in 2004 even though he was baffled by Bush’s foreign policy choices, and never wavered in election after election even though the party he loved’s ideals were crumbling. He asked me how I thought the first Continental Congress would vote, and after we finished our friendly chuckle, he reminded me that being pro-life or pro-gun wasn’t what makes you a conservative, and blind trust in the government isn’t what makes you a patriot. For the first time, he’s going to walk into the voting booth and pull the lever for a Democrat, because it’s the right thing to do. I’m going to join him.

Man, if McCain’s approach to music licensing is anything like his approach to the economy, I half expect the Hamburgler to be a crucial voice in domestic economic policy. In his latest act of artistic theft, the campaign has once again appropriated music without permission, this time pilfering from the significantly less ancient Foo Fighters. FINALLY, a candidate who isn’t hiding his criminal acts; think he’ll be this honest when it comes to Iraq?

The press release from Nasty Little Man (Foo Fighters’ publicist):

FOO FIGHTERS DENOUNCE UNAUTHORIZED USE OF THEIR MUSIC BY MCCAIN CAMPAIGN

Having received confirmed press reports that John McCain has been using Foo Fighters’ “My Hero” as the latest in a number of unauthorized theme songs at his campaign rallies without seeking permission from the band, its management, record label or publisher, Foo Fighters have issued the following statement:

“This isn’t the first time the McCain campaign has used a song without making any attempt to get approval or permission from the artist. It’s frustrating and infuriating that someone who claims to speak for the American people would repeatedly show such little respect for creativity and intellectual property. The saddest thing about this is that ‘My Hero’ was written as a celebration of the common man and his extraordinary potential. To have it appropriated without our knowledge and used in a manner that perverts the original sentiment of the lyric just tarnishes the song. We hope that the McCain campaign will do the right thing and stop using our song–and start asking artists’ permission in general!”

Earlier this year McCain used songs by artist John Mellencamp without permission, and this most recent act of copyright infringement follows rock band Heart sending a cease and desist order to the McCain/Palin campaign for use of their song “Barracuda” and rock legend  Jackson Browne announcing he is filing suit against the McCain campaign for their use of his song “Running on Empty”.  At least he’s getting closer to the right decade, though this may just be the latest attempt at McCain trying to nab the youth vote, most of whom haven’t paid for music in several years.

I notice that today the fine folks over at CNN are making a big deal out of the fact that Wasilla, AK, the town in which Sarah Palin (GOP VP candidate and amateur Tina Fey impersonator) was mayor, charged rape victims for their examination kits up until 2000 (which includes four years of her 1996-2002 tenure).  I would cover this further, but Jon Stewart already did.  Like a week ago.  Trumped by a comedy show?  That’s got to hurt, CNN…

The one comment I will make is that her defenders are saying that she didn’t know about the practice.  If this is true, how is it even remotely any better?  It was a town of 7000 people, and she wasn’t aware of a major point of contention; this makes her qualified for one of the highest offices in the world how, exactly?  I know standards have fallen off a bit as of late, but really?

Hello America!  I’m back because shit just got realAgain.

This time it’s the economic woes of these United States.  After the closure of the regional Indy Mac Bank (reopened under the Federal Reserve to the tune of 10% of the DIF), the bail outs of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac who between them hold over 50% of the mortgages in the nation (trillions promised if needed), the continually rising unemployment rate, the announcement that median family income has actually dropped by more than 1% in 2000-2006 despite reports that the economy expanded 18% in that time, to the $2 billion buyout of almost 5% of CitiBank by a Saudi prince (making him the largest single stockholder) and now the bankruptcy of Lehmans and sale of investment firm Merrill Lynch to Bank of America, the American economy is truly booming.  Just, you know, not in that good way.

Now, with the Dow falling 4% in one day and AIG receiving an 85 billion dollar bailout we, as Americans, look to our leaders for support:*

White House spokeswoman Dana Perino defended the $85bn (£48bn) emergency loan for AIG.

“While no-one would have liked to have ended up in this situation, you have a government that is willing to lead,” she said.

Leadership!  Yes, that is exactly what we need!  Surely our president will have the right words to calm us and make us feel safe and secure, a plan to stem the tide of economic disaster and renew faith in our markets, both abroad and at home:

President George W Bush has not answered questions on the economic situation and had cancelled a statement he was set to make on Tuesday.

When asked by a reporter in the Oval Office on Wednesday to comment, Mr Bush said he had not heard the question and joked: “I’m old.”

YES!  He’s…old?  Maybe he’s saying this is old news, I’ve made it this far, you will too?  Or perhaps he is implying that old men aren’t suited to hold the office?  Whatever the reason, truly shocking from the man who, just after the bailout of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, literally lept into action and proposed a bill that would classify birth control as a form of abortion. I know I felt more secure on that day, just as I feel more secure in my government’s, um, age today.

Honestly I expect more from the man who stared into the face of terrorism and didn’t blink, who acknowledged and rewarded hard work during crises, who was dilligent in preventing possible, nay, known threats to this nation from day 1

[source 1, 2]

*–sorry, I had trouble typing that without laughing hysterically, then curling up into a little ball and hoping I can learn to love moldy bread.

11 states, two cities, and four environmental groups to be precise, according to the Associated Press.  That’s a pretty large number of people pissed off at the Bush Administration’s proposal; the law suit, filed last year, includes California, Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont, New York City, and DC.  The bush plan calls for average fuel economy of passenger trucks (including the ever-so-popular-amongst-arrogant-idiots SUVs) from 22.5 to a whopping 23.5 by 2011.

 ”The idea of raising vehicle efficiency 1 mile per gallon is pathetic and shocking,” said Brown, who along with Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is suing the Bush administration over its refusal to act on California’s fuel economy plan for cars in the state.

Dude, when the former Terminator and Reagan lackey finds your emissions standards too low, you’re really fucking up.

Ok, I’ve been trying for days to come up with a joke for the whole “Is Obama wearing a pin?“/”No? So does he hate America?“/”Obama doesn’t wear pins but he loves Jesus” spin crap, but I’ve pretty much been trumped by the major news networks themselves.

Honestly, I’m speechless. I mean, there’s video. Video. How can I beat that?

President Bush has again stood up to the tyrannical, Democrat-led House and Senate, who had hatched (or rather, drafted; or more accurately, voted for) a horrendous scheme to–get this–provide health care to roughly four million children. For FREE. Fortunately, our president has put a stop to this purely un-American proposal by utilizing his veto power (only the fourth time he has exercised it, one for each million kids who will likely go without medication this year), thus saving his old, rich, white friends at both insurance companies and tobacco corporations estimated billions in profit loss.

The proposal, or “averted terrorist plot” as it is being referred to on Pennsylvania Avenue, would have increased the federal tax on tobacco to subsidize the cost of the program, which was designed to extend the State Children’s Health Insurance Program, currently covering an estimated 6.6 million children. The SCHIP (which is an anagram for CHiPs, a show which popularized Hispanics in the late 70s) offers medical care to children of struggling families who make above the required amount for eligibility in the Medicaid program:

Mr Bush had said he wanted only a $5bn increase in funding for the scheme. He argued that expanding its coverage further would encourage people currently covered in the private sector to switch to government coverage – and that the proposal was too costly. [source]

Chair of the House Democratic caucus Rahm Emanuel drew attention to the overfunding of the US Military with the concern for the nation’s youth by saying “The president has asked for an open-ended, open-wallet commitment to Iraq, and the American children get an empty stocking.” Connections between Emanuel and Al-Qaeda are no doubt being investigated.

Oh, if the title sounds familiar, that’s because this has become a running theme.

Hi faithful readers (all five of you)!  It’s been a bit, we’ve missed you, enough to pull some 80s hip-hop out of the box in a clearly misguided attempt to win you back over.  Perhaps we’ll stick around, perhaps we won’t.  Perhaps we’ll get the zine back up and running before your kids slap you in a crappy, second-rate nursing home.  Who can tell in this day and age?  We can’t, mostly because we are far too lazy to commit to regular updates…

(ED. NOTE–Dave doesn’t speak for all of us)

I came across a post in a blog I occasionally read, mostly because literate people are pretty rare on these internets, that I felt should be shared.  It’s a pretty stark look at our military’s concern for the safety of our soldiers, and considering the size of the checks they’ve been cutting to Haliburton to rebuild Iraq, it seems feasible to me that they could afford to adequately protect the men and women we send over there to “liberate” the place.  The blog is called Anna’s Clues and the post is right here.

It includes video, for those of you too ADD to read.  And yes, she’s a conservative, but she’s logical (most of the time), so whiny liberals and delusion neo-cons alike can feel free to shudder in fear.

(Oh, and since the title was from an 80s song, here’s an mp3 for you all to love from our buddies over at Greyday)

Just taking a quick moment to sum up my views on the presidential race news. I’ll break it down in small parts:

To all the candidates, especially those in congress: the race is a year away. GET BACK TO WORK. This country needs you to do your jobs, not campaign.

To Hilary Clinton: Nobody cares about your marriage, your views on Obama, or what conversation you want to start. GET BACK TO WORK.

To Obama: Be the better man than Kerry and ignore the mudslinging. Oh yeah, and GET BACK TO WORK.

To Fox News: Nobody cares where Obama went to grade school. Try focusing on, oh say, the last 20 years of his life. Oh, and please STOP WORKING. And maybe replace Hannity with Chuck Norris permanently, it would be cool to see him drop-kick Colmes.

So, to sum up: all of you shut the fuck up and do your jobs. This has been your Jaded Times PSA.

That shrivelled up little fuck could do with some better writers, as yet again he has launched his annual stale and irrelevant war on the “war” on Christmas. People like himself and John Gibson, author of last year’s rather paranoid sounding novel The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought, should learn to maybe use their position in life to spotlight things that actually kind of, well, matter. Good will of any kind is a positive thing, stop fucking with it.

Again, most importantly, it doesn’t matter. I’m a Jew, and I could give a fuck if people wish me a merry christmas or a happy holidays. It doesn’t insult my Jewness for someone to offer me best wishes on their holiday, just like it doesn’t hurt your Catholicism for someone to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Grow the fuck up.

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