Jaded Times

After the Muslim political opposition to the latest Bin Laden tape, the US is scurrying to find a new scapegoat in/for/against the war on terror. What is sought is someone who is very anti-American, preferably beardy, and of a faith that rich white Americans cannot identify with. Tom Cruise was considered briefly but, with him recently having a child and not being beardy, was not being weighed heavily. Current speculation has the British doctor from Sliders leading the list.

In any event, the right is finding it harder and harder to justify hating Muslims (who are confused nation wide with Arabs, Middle Easterners, and basically any brown people). If we plan on continuing to invade sovereign nations, we’ll need them to like Bin Laden, or the new scapegoat of our choice.

Meanwhile, many people are wondering why we’re not actually trying to capture the guy who orchestrated 9/11. Quick answer? It takes time, as there are plenty of domestic issues to deal with; after all, Iran is trying to make a bomb, people! And Belgium’s been acting shifty, too.

If you have a beard and would be interested in being hated by fat, undereducated Americans, contact the US State Department with a resumé and headshot. Please do not be Christian and preferably be located somewhere near oil.

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